For Church Planter or Pastor’s Wife – By Lynn Fusco

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Hey everyone, Daniel here. So about a week ago, I walked into our bedroom and my wife, Lynn, was furiously typing on her computer. When she finally looked up, she said, “I am writing an article for the wives of church planters.” Then she proceeded to return to her furious typing. Lynn has been involved in the three churches that I have had the pleasure of seeing launched. We got married when Calvary New Brunswick was very young. She was integral to the launching of both Calvary North Bay and Calvary San Francisco. In both plants, she first started the children’s ministry and then after turning them over to capable leaders proceeded to start the women’s ministry (which she also started in New Brunswick). She did all this while we had small children. Not to mention that we got married not for her ministry prowess but to be companions in this life (which she has excelled at). It is fascinating for me to read about these things from her perspective. There’s a lot of road-tried wisdom here from my beloved bride.

Hello Ladies, if you are reading this than you are among the many that the Lord has placed warmly on my heart. Over the years I have watched my husbands joy at encouraging men with hearts to serve the Lord in church planting. I have rejoiced in my own heart at his articles knowing that any information and encouragement goes a long way. Recently, it has been coming to my spirit the brave women who stand beside their men. YOU. Some of you out of obedience to the Lords calling, some with the same heart as your husbands for the area and some because they married into an early church plant like I did. My desire is to share with you things from my personal flight over the last 8 years as a church planters wife with the heart that you will be strengthened and encouraged.

1. Plow hard, reap later

In a church plant, you generally have to start from nothing. You find a building to hold services, if you are lucky you find someone to lead worship, and you make sure you purchase your own coffee pots 🙂 Starting from nothing generally means that there is A LOT of hard work involved that may last for a couple of years, so get ready! My role has always been to get the children’s ministry up and running and then later the women’s ministry. That generally means teaching every Sunday, or doing nursery every Sunday. I remember here in California I did the nursery and kids church at the same time for a year as my son was the only child nursery-age there. I remember balancing the two simultaneously. As I taught the lesson, frequently, I would hear one of the children from kids church say, “OBADIAH!! Lynn, he’s at it again!” as Obadiah (my active two year old) joyfully dug in the large potted plant in the room we were renting.

As I look back over all those years and then again more recently with our church plant in San Francisco, I can see how the seasons change. In the beginning years you have to work really, really hard. This may mean that you are in charge of teaching Sunday school every week even when you are sick, it may mean that you are trying to find the balance of leading 2 ministries at the same time, it may mean that you “feel” like you are doing everything except preaching the message! IT WON’T ALWAYS be this way!! A season will come when God will bring nursery workers, a team of kids church teachers so you aren’t teaching every Sunday. Men and women who feel called to those very positions that you were working so hard in. You must plow through the hard ground before the seed can be sprung!

2. Show up! Show up! Show up!

One of the many exciting things about a church plant is that you NEVER know what God is going to do! You may have Sundays where its just you and your husband having church together in a big empty room. Or, you may have Sundays where the room is full. In church plants there is usually an ebb and flow in the congregation.

There will also be mornings where you just don’t want to go. Your mind, or body will say, “no one will really miss me today”. I have found from experience that on the days that you show up when you don’t feel like showing up, God generally has “something special” planned. It could be a conversation with a woman who just had a really bad week and just needed someone who cared to share God’s love on her or it could be that you bless your husband’s heart with out even knowing it because he just needed the support of knowing that his wife was in this just as much as he is.

Commit yourself to going and lean on God’s amazing GRACE when you are weary.

3. Be a Servant First

I will never forget the experience I had on our 2nd church plant here in Mill Valley. We had moved to California leaving our New Jersey church family behind. The NJ folks had adored my 2 year old son Obadiah. They had watched my tummy grow round with child and then came and celebrated his arrival. It was the usual custom after church for Obadiah to take turns asking some one in the church family to pick him up, so that he could reach the donut holes that everyone always brought. We left our NJ church as “the beloved” pastors family. I didn’t realize how much I took that for granted, nor how much I expected that to be the same in our next church-plant family. I was surprised and hurt when several of the ladies of the church did not like my son because he was so active. Many made a point to tell me how to mother and then went on to talk about his “behavior” to others. My heart was bruised. I went to the Lord and said “OUCH!! HELP!!!” (among other things in that conversation!)

The verse the Lord ministered to me was, “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. (phil 2:5-8)”

What He was sharing with me was to be a servant first. Our family had a beloved reputation in NJ. Here in this church plant, I was to look at any area that needed help and then I was to jump in and work at it with all my heart and not expect anyone to love me, or my sweet family because of it. I was to do it all to please God’s heart for He saw me and was well pleased. Knowing this was my greatest reward.

4. Check it at the Door

I had to learn this lesson very early in our New Jersey ministry. As a pastor’s wife your role is to be there for people to talk with, rejoice with, cry with and encourage. In order to be available to the public YOU MUST check your own emotions at the door. What this means is that any un-resolved conversation, conflict, situation that you had at home or on your way to church, you need to give it to GOD. You need to “leave it at the door” before you walk into church so that you can be available to others. I remember countless times in New Jersey where Daniel and I would get into an argument right before we left for church and I would be FUMING inside when we reached church. Often times replaying the argument or conversation in my mind. I would “smile” at those around me but inside I felt down, angry or whatever the emotion inside me was. At those times I saw I was unavailable to minister because I was too consumed with my own thoughts or feelings than to engage with others.

You must leave your own “stuff” behind and trust that GOD will give you the grace you need to be available to others and the grace to resolve the issue that you are bothered with. He cares and loves you.

God understands the weight of the role He has called you to and wants to fill you with grace to move in it. But first you must leave it with HIM.

5. Obedience first, Heart later

The year and half spent on the San Francisco church plant was a tough year. I remember a couple of months before we opened the church to the public, the Lord had given me a vision. He revealed to me kind of warfare that we were going to encounter by planting a church in San Francisco, He did this to prepare my heart. The months to follow were rugged with personal warefare. Feeling beaten up by life, and having just handed the childrens minstry coordinator postion over to a young woman in the church, I was tired and my spirit run down with the battle.

That month the Lord started to gently speak to me about starting the women’s minstry. He was gentle. A loving poke here. Another loving poke, poke there. I ignored it. “I can’t Lord” I said. “I’m struggling as it is, let alone leading another ministry, I just can’t”.

The women who had approached me with the desire to start a ladies ministry, bonded together and hosted the first women’s ministry event. The attendance and joy in the air was abundant. On my way home from the event my heart burned with this desire. I kept crying out to the Lord “if there is going to be a ladies minsitry, it has to have MEAT for the girls to chew on!!” Again I felt the “POKE!”. “ALRIGHT!!!” I said. Was it easy? NO. Did I want to always show up? NO. But I KNEW I was called. I KNEW that I was doing what God had asked me to do, and I had my husband’s support. Even though I was in a rough season personally, the Lord gave me a heart for the ladies. I loved them and when it was time to turn the ministry over, I was sad to say goodbye to their hearts.

At times God is going to ask you to do something, maybe lead a minstry, maybe support your husband in the ministry even though you don’t feel ready for it, or something else….but you will find that if you obey and do what you know He is asking, He will eventually give you His love for the service HE has called you to.

There is nothing greater in my heart than knowing I did what I knew I was called to do, even if I didn’t think I did the greatest job of accomplishing it. I obeyed my FATHER.

6. Understand the Ministry that you are called to

I remember when I began the Ladies Ministry in Mill Valley, the Lord had given me a picture in my heart of the kind of women’s minstry he wanted. For this season He wanted a time where younger women and the older women study the Word and pray together. Through this example the younger women would learn by being surrounded by the older women of the church. My heart had such peace at this picture. However, I had one lady who did not like this “type” of ladies ministry. She used to call me often and tell me her strong opinions. Being younger than her I questioned myself, some times stressed that I wasn’t doing the right thing, etc. However this is what I learned: When God has called you to lead a ministry, ask Him for his vision and upon receiving it, stick to it.

You will have MANY women come to you with “great ideas” of how you “should” lead the ministry, and “great ideas” of the kinds of events you should host, but with an open heart you always need to go back to the Lord, and ask if these support HIS vision for the ministry He has called you to.

7. Know your Personal Weakness and put your armor on

We ALL have a personal weakness(es) in our characters that if left un-checked can be harmful to the minstry. Examine your heart and know what they are!! These areas will be the first areas that Satan will go after and try to use to derail your minstry and your husband’s mininstry. Whatever your weakness is, you must find a way to put your armor on so that it’s put into check.

8. Your Children

Church planting with young children can be very challenging. Obadiah was 2 years old when we started the Mill Valley church plant, and 5 and a half with the San Fransicsco church plant. Maranatha was 2 and a half years old. I would find I would come home from the church day tired and worn out, just wanting to put on a video on and not think which can not be the case when you are a mommy. You are on til they go to bed 🙂 Give yourself and your children grace. Acknowlege often that its a season in life just like having a baby. Takes time for the baby to grow before it needs you less.

One practical solution that we found was to hire a babysitter to watch our children during the fellowship time at church. This way our children could do laps around the hall under a watchful eye, freeing me up to minister to the body uninterrupted.

9. Find a “Seasoned” Pastors Wife and ask her to mentor you

As wives we want to share everything with our husbands. We want to ask them for their opinions, their thoughts, their ideas. This isn’t a bad thing. We are their wives after all! However, the enormity and weight of responsibilty that your husband carries in a church plant is unfathomable. I believe the Lord is the only one who truly understands this enormity.

Our husbands don’t want to spend extra brain space having to come up with ideas for another ministry. He has asked you to lead this particular ministry so that he doesn’t have to think about it. This is why it is so important that we seek out another pastors wife, who has been there “before”. Someone who you can run ideas with, someone who will teach you what has worked for them, someone who will encourage you in the new rode that you are on. Ask God to lead you to this woman. Remember God WANTS to help us!

10. Find a Prayer Partner

Whether its once a week, or once a month, find another woman whom you can share your heart with. Someone who is NOT in the church body. A woman who you can be yourself with and feel the freedom to be raw with when you feel down or discouaged. This special friend needs to be someone who has a heart for the Lord and will commit to pray with you. I know that these friends are SO hard to find. Ask God to reveal the right person for you. Some times this person will be the LORD HIMSELF until the time he brings you another.

11. You are in a Spiritual Battle

Its soooo easy in the midst of plowing hard, for your mind and heart to get discouraged,and apathetic. We forget to look at the whole picture. The picture being that we are doing is work for THE KINGDOM through faith. The enemy doesn’t like KINGDOM work. He HATES it and will try to detrail you, discourage you, give you a spiirt of apathy, anything to have you stop showing up for God. Saturday afternoons and nights in our home are generally not too much fun. Its the day of the week where marital fights brew, the car breaks down, the children won’t stop aruguing or you get sick. Do you get the picture?? And if your husband teaches a mid-week, its the same the day of the midweek. WE MUST LEARN how to wear our armor properly and to put it on every day.

12. Cast your cares on God for HE cares for you!!

Most importantly, guard your private time with HIM. A dear friend of mine recently shared something with me that the Lord shared with her. God told her to “measure the worth of her day by how much time she spent with Him in prayer and in His Word”. WOW right?! We NEED GOD!! We are NOTHING without Him. HE sooo much wants to fill us, help us, love us, make us laugh and smile, give us gems to give to others. He wants us to bring and lay down our burdens at HIS feet so that He can make us whole. He wants to impart HIS wisdom and His nature to us. Give Him that chance ladies! MAKE TIME for your Savior!!

PASTOR, WHO HAVE YOU BEEN MEETING WITH!

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“Now John answered and said, ‘Master, we saw someone casting out demons in Your name, and we forbade him because he does not follow us.’  But Jesus said to him, ‘Do not forbid him, for he who is not against us is on our side.’”[1]

“Behold, how good and pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!”[2]

A hot topic in the body of Christ in North America these days is the issue of unity.  Simply, followers of Jesus are wondering about what kinds of churches and Christians they can affirm and hang out with.  Can a Calvary Chapel Christian hang out with a Reformed Christian?  Can a seeker sensitive church affirm a fundamentalist church?  Can a pastor who favors expository preaching go to lunch with the topic-driven preacher across town?  Can we develop meaningful relationships with anyone outside of our immediate denomination, movement, or dogmatic theological persuasion?  Let me share some things from a couple different meetings I’ve recently attended that have caused me to revisit the issue of unity in the body of Christ amongst pastors and congregations afresh.

A Tale of Two Meetings

Recently I’ve had the opportunity to gather at two different meetings with two different unity dynamics.  The first meeting was with four pastors including myself from different denominations, theological and educational backgrounds, and churches with different philosophies of ministry.  The second meeting was with most of the Calvary Chapel pastors of Northern Utah and their wives.

Meeting with the Calvary Chapel Camp

At the meeting with the Calvary Chapel pastors and wives there was lots of good fellowship, food, and encouragement.  It was a good chance to get to know each other better and pray for what God is doing, and just catch up.

The unity factor in this meeting was primarily founded on the Jesus of the Bible and the biblical gospel.  But there was more to our unity than Jesus and the simple gospel.  That particular group had what we could call wider doctrinal unity as well.  In addition to the essential doctrines of orthodox Christianity we shared similar perspectives on philosophy of ministry, theological issues like eschatology and soteriology, and the method of Bible teaching (expository preaching).

Points of Greatest Impact

Having unity in Jesus and His gospel was definitely the most important thing to this group.  But it is true that we also had a special connection over secondary issues like those named above.  We agree on many things that a person doesn’t need to affirm to be considered a born-again Christian with a genuine relationship with Jesus.  I enjoy having wider doctrinal unity with friends.  It’s fun to talk about and appreciate our unique role in the body of Christ locally and globally.  So, enough about that; let’s move on to the next meeting.

Meeting with the Multi-perspectival Camp

My other meeting was with some pastors from a multi-perspectival frame of mind.  In this group, instead of having wider doctrinal and methodological unity, we had what you could simply call gospel unity.  This is because, beyond the biblical gospel, we have differing perspectives and practices on a number of things.

One of the pastors is definitely the guy with the coolest church in town.  They’ve got an awesome building, awesome music, inspiring messages, lots of art and technology, and all that good stuff.  They do really well reaching the un-churched and younger generations in the Salt Lake Valley.

One of the other pastors at this meeting is a seasoned man with lots of wisdom and experience.  He is from a Dutch Reformed background, and serves in our area as a sort of pastor of pastors helping planters and their families stay healthy and network together.

Another pastor in the group has been a prominent leader regionally in the Evangelical Free Church, and is now one of a number of teaching pastors at one of the largest churches in Northern Utah.  The church at which he serves gets much love and criticism in our area because on the one hand they seem to be reaching lots of people. But on the other hand they are seen by some as a kind of Walmart style church because they’ve successfully worked through a few church mergers which resulted in one multiple campus church which used to consist of at least four independent churches.  No matter what your opinion is about the philosophy of ministry of this church, the truth is that Jesus is using them to save many people in Northern Utah.  They are being used greatly by the Lord to reach Mormons and former Mormons in our area, and I praise God for that.

Lastly, there was me!  I am the lead pastor of a Calvary Chapel affiliated church called Refuge Church in Riverdale, UT.  If you were to come to our church you’d typically find loud music, one hour expository sermons, and an atmosphere of love.  As of the time of this writing we are planning our sixty-sixth baptism in the past fourteen months which is to take place on Christmas day because Jesus has been graciously saving and changing lots of people through a less than two-year-old church-plant.  Most of the people whom Jesus has saved at Refuge are burnt out on religion because of the influence of the predominant religious institution in our state.  They are normal people, with human problems, looking for a God of grace and transformation.

Obviously, this group of pastors could come up with many things on which they have differences of perspective and practice.  Some of us prefer topical preaching while some of us prefer expository preaching.  Some of us have a more Arminian bent when it comes to salvation, and some of us are decidedly Calvinistic and Reformed.  Some of us preach for thirty minutes, and some of us preach for over an hour.  We could potentially go on for a while listing differences of perspectives, doctrinal positions, and methodology represented by each man at this meeting.

Points of Greatest Impact

In all of the differences one might be able to deduce from the men represented in this meeting, it wasn’t our differences, but the things in which we had unity that impacted me most.

Confession time: In the past I have definitely spent much of my time beating up the body of Christ with which I don’t have wider doctrinal unity.  I’ve been one of those guys content to read only books by guys I have full or at least buzz topic agreement (certain bents on the finer points of soteriology, etc.).  I have been content to mainly hang out with Christians and churches I have almost total agreement with, while criticizing any church or pastor that seemed seeker sensitive, topical, emergent, and on and on and on.

Time for more confession: I had even had some of the thoughts and emotions described above toward some of the ministries represented by the pastors who were with me in the second meeting.  About five years ago, the Holy Spirit worked me over in regard to my sectarian mentality, and I’m thankful for that.  Sometimes that residue of sectarianism still creeps up and I have to kill it, and the pride that spawns it in my heart.  This meeting helped me do that again.

I saw a number of things in this meeting that both challenged and encouraged me which spurred me on to write this post:

1. These guys showed love for our brothers in Christ that I wasn’t sure I possessed.

The entire point of this meeting from the perspective of these men was to figure out how they could bless Utah church-planters.  They didn’t care if the guy was Baptist, Calvary Chapel, Reformed, Arminian, or what, as long as they stood for the biblical Jesus and the biblical gospel.  I saw in the eyes, and heard in the voices of these guys a love for other brothers that was born simply out of the reality of being brothers in Christ with them!  I honestly didn’t know if that kind of heart was beating in my chest with the same genuineness and grace I sensed in these men, and I prayed for it silently right in the meeting as the Holy Spirit was challenging me through what I was seeing.

2. These guys showed incredible love for me which I knew I didn’t deserve.

Additionally, I was humbled by the love these guys had for me.  As I sat and listened to these guys I couldn’t help but wonder how I had ended up at a meeting with men Jesus was using so much.  And yet, it didn’t matter to them that I was younger, different in some ways, or whatever.  They believed we could work together for the good of the kingdom beyond our wider doctrinal and methodological issues, and they were glad I was there.  They even wanted to hear my ideas!

3. These guys really are on the same mission to which Jesus has called me and the church I lead.

No matter what differences the men in this meeting have, we have the more important things in common.  We worship the same Jesus, preach the same gospel, and advance the same kingdom.  Those common bonds are greater than any differences we possess, even important differences.

4. These guys really do have the same enemy that I do.

This last point was perhaps most impacting for me in regard to unity.  As each man shared about spiritual warfare in their life, it occurred to me that we were not only unified in our Savior and mission, but in our enemy.  Each man had dealt with spiritual warfare in the form of demonic dreams, depression, and sickness.  We’d dealt with all the same kinds of satanic opposition to the work Jesus had called us to complete.  As we talked about the struggles and challenges of serving Jesus in a demonically oppressed place like Utah, it suddenly became even clearer that we are certainly not fighting for different teams at the end of the day.  We go about the fight differently.  We emphasize different weapons at times.  But when it comes down to it, we’re fighting for the same kingdom, and we’re fighting against the same enemy.

Exhortation

If you struggle with sectarianism, repent and be blessed.  Whoever isn’t against you is for you.  I’d encourage you to meditate on Luke 9:49-50 and see what the Holy Spirit has to say to you.  Let’s enjoy the wider doctrinal unity we have with other believers, churches, and pastors in our unique theological and methodological camps.  But let’s also enjoy simply having gospel unity with those outside our specific camps.  Find and pray with pastors and Christians of other backgrounds.  Develop relationships of encouragement with them.  The very witness of the gospel depends upon it.  Let me leave you with a prayer of Jesus He offered to the Father on behalf of all of His people, world-wide, of all generations:

“I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; that they may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me.”[3]  

 

[1] Luke 9:49-50 NKJV

[2] Psalm 133:1 NKJV

[3] John 17:20-21 NKJV

“For This Reason”

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Ephesians 5:31  “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

 

Paul is saying that “For this reason”…this was God’s intent from the beginning, even in instituting marriage. He draws upon the institution of the marriage relationship by our Creator and says that “This is the reason that a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, the two becoming one flesh.” It is for “this reason.”

Marriage is to be a picture of what our relationship with Christ is supposed to look like…we are members of his flesh…we are one with Him. Husbands and wives are to be one with each other in the same way…and as a result the watching world would see a clearer picture and gain a better understanding of why they were created and come to a better understanding of just what their purpose is.

In seeing a husband and wife joined as one, they would begin to discover where their greatest joys may be realized, where they might find their greatest security, where they might discover just what true love is…unconditional, sacrificial, and expecting nothing in return. That they would uncover the Source where this love flows from in immeasurable and unfathomable quantities…and yet at the same time so tangible, so real.

When a husband and a wife are submitted to one another in the fear of God, the world has a continual reminder before them that for this were they created, for this reason they still live, and that the seemingly insatiable yearnings and longings they have burning in their hearts, and souls and minds, to be one, to be joined, to be complete, to find their Helper, were put there by the One who created them, in the hope that they would see and understand just how great the overwhelming and overpowering love of God the Father is toward them.

That love is most clearly displayed in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on Calvary’s cross.

And this is exactly what Paul is saying to us as husbands, that our love for our precious bride is to be the same. It is to be the same as His love towards us is…unconditional, sacrificial, expecting nothing in return. And shame on me, shame on us, as husbands, when we are selfish and more concerned about how we feel, what our needs are, what we want, what we desire, what we think, what our opinion is…than the feelings, the needs, the wants, the desires, the thoughts, the opinion of what our wife is.

Aren’t you thankful that Jesus isn’t this way toward you? He is the exact opposite toward us. He laid down His life for us even when we wanted nothing to do with HIm!

If we truly loved our wives in this way, husbands, you would see your marriage transformed. It’s not them, it’s you. It’s your leadership, your example, your dependence upon your Lord, your Head, to lay down your life sacrificially for your wife, that you would cherish her, and reverence her, and do all that was in your ability (as you are trusting in the Person of the Holy Spirit to empower you) to be a living expression of the love of Jesus. There is nothing more manly, more masculine, more godly than this.

The Holiness Of Worship Leading

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Worship leaders need to realize the holiness of the activity they are involved in.  They stand before people, and sing to the Creator of the universe.  They stand before God, and sing to Him and about Him. They use their God given gifts and talents to worship God in such a way that inspires others to join in.  Leading worship must be viewed as a holy endeavor. God is holy, and our worship of God must be holy as well.

Consider the worship of God that was offered by the seraphim in Isaiah 6:1-4.  We read, “ 1In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, high and lifted up, and the train of His robe filled the temple. 2Above it stood seraphim; each one had six wings: with two he covered his face, with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. 3And one cried to another and said: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of His glory!”

These mighty angelic beings cover their eyes and their feet.  It has been said that they covered their eyes, because they were not worthy to look upon God, and that they covered their feet as a sign of humility. Their worship of God was a result of their clear view of His holiness, and their actual giving of worship reflected their understanding of God’s holiness. There was humility and adoration because they had a clear understanding of the holiness of God.

As a worship leader, do you think about the holiness of God?  Are you in awe of God’s holiness?  He is completely above and apart from anything common, mundane, unclean, or immoral. Holiness means to be separate, different.  God is infinitely higher than the most holy man on Earth.

Is your view of God is that He is “a lot better than you”, or that he is infinitely better than you?  Do you experience any reverential fear of God as you ascend to the front of the church to offer Him praise?  Is there any sense of your own unholiness?  Is there a deeper desire to grow in holiness, that you might more rightly represent God, and be sensitive to His Spirit?

Do you bring ungodly attitudes and behaviors to your worship leading experience?  Do you live in sin?  Don’t you know that those sinful actions/attitudes make you less effective in being sensitive to God’s Spirit?  They also make you harder to work with.  Sinful attitudes make musicians and singers overly sensitive, lazy, indifferent, selfish, and a host of other unspoken feelings that are communicated to the church congregation through what does or doesn’t happen.  Carnal worship leaders make life more difficult for other worship leaders, and they taint the worship experience for the congregation.

A man who practices habitual sin cannot suddenly rise to a practical holiness that is evidenced by a visitation of God’s Spirit.  God can and does use such a man, but the experience is never what it could have been had that man walked closer with God.

Conversely, if you are walking by the Spirit, your worship leading will be Spirit led, and people will sense the difference.  There will be a sweetness, a holiness, and a presence of God’s Spirit that accompanies you as you worship and lead others in worship.

A godly worship leader is sensitive to the condition of the church congregation at any given gathering.  When the church gathers, the Lord knows what the people need to hear, and to experience.  The Spirit led worship leader has that “X-factor”, that unspoken but very real sensitivity to know how to lead a group of people in worship.  Certain songs may be added or dropped at the last minute.  In service changes take place as that leader senses the congregation being touched by the Lord.  Choruses and refrains are repeated for emphasis.  Times of silence are allowed, as people sit before the Lord.  Songs may be suddenly dropped.  The entire experience is organic and led by the Spirit of God, and is a moving target that cannot be anticipated or planned for, but can only be responded to when one is in the moment.

A Spirit led, godly worship leader senses all of that.  An ungodly worship leader misses all of that.  They may still be proficient at playing, singing, and arranging, but the “X-factor” of being led by God’s Spirit is totally missed by the unholy worship leader.

I have sat before godly worship leaders that have had moderate talent.  I have also sat before excellent singers and players that have lacked a discernible anointing and presence of God’s Spirit.

I always prefer to be led in worship by a man who fears God, rather than one who is an excellent player/singer, but seems to lack any reverence for God.  I want to and need to experience the holiness of God.   Don’t need to be entertained at a church service.  I want to and need to be impacted by a holy worship service.  The style is secondary, but holiness is primary.

A holy worship service may be a bit difficult to describe, but you know when you are experiencing it.

A word of exhortation to all who ascend the platform and stand before God’s people:  Worship is to be a holy endeavor.  It is best accomplished by people who fear the Lord, and who live in the awareness of God’s holiness on a daily basis.

1 Peter 1:15, 16  15but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.”

 

The Key to Unlocking Joy: The Joy of Giving

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Pastor Miles DeBenedictis

Acts 20:35
The Key to Unlocking Joy: The Joy of Giving

 

 

 

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Pulling the carpet out from under American culture

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When I taught the missions classes at CCBC in Murrieta from 1997 to 2000, I absolutely loved the assembly at the beginning of each semester when the instructors were introduced to the students. But it wasn’t being introduced that was so pleasureable to me. It was watching the faces of the students when Pastor Chuck got up behind the podium to welcome everyone. They were in awe at this incredible man of God and the way God had used him over the years.

Here were all of these young people dressed pretty much whatever way they wanted, with various lengths and styles of hair and piercings of various kinds on display in all kinds of interesting places. They were so excited to hear from one of the key figures of the Jesus Movement.

Every one of them knew this was the man that reached out and loved on young people and hippies just the way they were. This was THE key man that God used to begin a church movement that was built on rebels to the status quo. The man of God who made no big deal about the way people looked, the style of music they enjoyed, or most of the language they used. This was the guy who made clear that the people attached to the bare feet were more important than the carpeting in the sanctuary.

As Pastor Chuck began speaking these young people hung on every word. It was amazing to watch.

But then, after welcoming them and sharing his excitement about them being there, he basically pulled the carpet out from under them. Ohhh, the looks on their faces when he said something to this effect:

“….and by the way. Young men, as students at this bible college, the only place a ring a should be seen on you is on one or more of your fingers. Not on your ears, in your nose, or anywhere else. Young women, rings should only be on your ear lobes or on your fingers. Pay attention to what the majority of people outside the grounds of this college look like. Change, if necessary, for the sake of the message.”

It was incredible to watch the wind go out of the sails of so many students. I would talk to many of them later in the afternoon or over the next few days. They said they were disappointed at the “legalism” that had obviously overtaken Pastor Chuck and the Calvary movement. A few of them decided they just couldn’t go to a school that obviously majored on such minor things.

Needless to say, I agreed with Pastor Chuck. Obviously, he knew that you can challenge and even demand things from those who say they follow Jesus that you can’t, and shouldn’t from those who are just checking Him out or who have recently decided to begin following Him. Brilliant. Mission-like.

One of the reasons I rejoiced at Pastor Chuck’s admonishment was because during my time on the mission field in the Philippines I ran into way too many Christians from America, including Calvary Chapel missionaries and visiting senior pastors, that had a similar attitude to these students. They obviously weren’t paying attention to some of the ways Pastor Chuck actually ministered over the years. Instead, they lived with an American cultural trait that they had come to believe was actually acceptable in the Kingdom of God.

Here’s the most succinct way I can express it:

The individualist aspect of American culture produces a mindset, an attitude, and then actions that communicate the following:

“My individual need to express myself in the way I feel most comfortable with is what is ultimately important”.

“Because of this, it is your responsibility to accept me the way I am”.

“I have a message I would like you to hear, in fact, that you NEED to hear”.

“Now, if there is anything about me, including my hairstyle, dress, or language that might distract from this great message I have for you, it is your responsibility to sift through it and then pay attention to this great message”.

“I have no responsibility to change anything about me in order for this great message to be more easily understood by you”.

“When you’ve grasped and responded to this great message, you’ll be set free from sin and self, just like I am”.

Is it possible that this accepted cultural trait is also a contributor to the issue Chuck M. brought up regarding Millennials and their view of drinking?

How does this kind of thinking square with Phil 2:3-11 and many other texts?

The Millennials Rising Problem

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I am seeing a growing problem in the church that is ready to trap a generation. Alcoholism is on the rise in the church and it is not with the down an out or with the older generation but instead with the young and successful generation known as the Millennials. Now I haven’t done any formal survey but I do have seventeen years experience working with Millennials and after talking to numerous parents and other people I am seeing the problem of drinking rising at an alarming rate amongst this age group. If you don’t think it is a problem read this article by John MacArthur here.

When I say this age group I mean the group of people called the millennials who are just now going into their thirties. There has been much written about this group and I don’t want to elaborate on it. I do want to point out though that this is group of people who really haven’t been denied anything in their lives, which I think is the source of the problem. Think about this for a moment. The group of people that encompass the age group of 34-18 year olds have grown up in a world of instant access. As children they perfected the play date with perfectly arranged times of playing with children who would be a good influence on them. As teenagers they moved in tribes because the nucleus of friends was the most important factor of all. Group thinking and their opinion was elevated above truth or what was best for them. As they entered the workforce this generation demanded a place at the table and wanted their voice to be heard without having to put in the hours of earning the respect of their co-workers. Because of this I think we have a generation that is extremely bored with themselves and thus are finding relief in their drinking because it is the one vice with a Christian loophole, you can drink, just don’t get drunk.

Remember that I said I see the problem not in the down and out but in the young and successful. The area where I see the most problem is with people who are in their late twenties to early thirties, have graduated from college, are married with children, usually own their first home, and have a successful career. They have everything their parents told them they could have. These are people who have grown up in Christian homes and where the church has been and may still be a big part of their lives. So why is drinking on the rise in this group?

I think there are several factors:

  1. They are Bored: I mentioned this earlier but it bears repeating. They have obtained everything life has to offer and have realized that it is empty. It would be easy to blame the parents here for misleading them but that is not the problem. The real problem is that they have been focused on themselves for so long that once they accomplished everything they could they don’t know how to shift their focus.
  2. It’s Their Theology: The most popular theology amongst Millennials is the New Reformed theology championed by people like Mark Driscoll. This new Calvinism emphasizes liberty and license as an overreaction to legalism. They freely talk about drinking beer as part of their missional lifestyle and rage against anyone who might suggest that sanctification would mean they stop drinking. A big part of the equation is also the doctrine of predestination. Their thinking is that “If I am part of the elect then really how I live is of little consequence because I am good with God and I can’t lose my salvation.”
  3. The Wrong Emphasis: One thing that was always said about the Baby Boomers was that they were all about themselves. It was called the “Me” generation. They worked a lot so they could obtain all the things that were perceived as successful. When they did play it was to release from all the stress of their work. The Millennial generation works to play. Instead of working hard to accumulate all the things, they already have the things and hence work has become a means so they can go and play with their things. They are always planning the next event, looking for what their tribe of friends are doing next, and seeing how they can fit another adventure into their work life without upsetting the balance.

Here is the thing, it is progressively getting worse. Ten years ago I saw this group (which most had just gotten out of my youth group) start with the beer. To tell you the truth I got tired of seeing former youth in pictures on the internet (pre-Facebook) holding the infamous red dixie cup. Many of these people were in Christian colleges, who had very clear code of ethics statements forbidding drinking, but in their liberty were living the life. Over the last ten years I have seen the drinking progress from beer to wine to hard liquor. I now see people in their early thirties drinking mixed drinks that only hardcore alcoholics drank and were usually much older.

The scary thing is that this generation gets bored at a very quick pace. They lose interest in things at an alarming rate. My fear is that we are going to see many proverbial train wrecks in the near future. I have a friend who is an emergency room doctor who says that he see people on a frequent basis in their early thirties who are raging alcoholics and are on the verge of losing everything. We need to stop with all of the theological mumbo jumbo about our freedom to indulge in things that we know lead to destruction and start to obey the Lord. It’s not about what we can do but instead about what scripture commands us to do. In a generation that has been given everything and ended up bored it is time to take all of that Biblical teaching they have been given and start to live for Christ. Your life, your marriage, and now your young family hangs in the balance.

Imitation Christianity

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When I was a boy and went with my mother to the grocery store, we would almost always buy ice cream.  If mom didn’t have enough money for ice cream, she would get imitation ice cream.  In doing a little research I discovered that imitation ice cream substitutes other edible fats for milk fat.  Milk fat is more expensive than other edible fats.  Real ice cream is more costly than imitation ice cream.  This is why many settle for the imitation – it’s less costly than the real thing. 

At the Last Supper, Jesus told His ministry team,

 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.  John 13:34-35

This is the real thing!  If the church fails to love, the church fails to be the church.  We as pastors know that it is costly to love as Jesus loved.  It costs money/time/energy – physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual.  We love those we don’t like and love those who don’t like us!  Real agape love, real Jesus love costs us our lives.

Because real love is so costly, so dear, because it demands so much of us, we have created imitation versions of Christianity even as the manufacturers of ice cream developed imitation ice cream.  The imitation contains inferior, less expensive ingredients and masquerades as the real thing – and demands less of us.  Here are some imitation versions of Christianity.

We have a SENTIMENTAL version of Christianity – it contents itself w/ loving feelings.  It hears Jesus say something like…

A new commandment I give to you, that you should have feelings of love for one another as I have feelings of love for you.  By this all men will know that you are My disciples if you have feelings of love for one another.

A lot of people buy into this version.  This type of Christianity doesn’t require or expect real-time obedience, only inward emotional stirrings.  This version attracts those who desire to do all for Christ, but end up doing nothing for Christ.  This variety of Christianity states that if you are emotionally moved, that is enough to demonstrate spirituality.

We have a LEGALISTIC version of Christianity – it contents itself w/ solo performances of heroic purity.  Here is how we read this subconsciously:

A new commandment I give to you, that you should be holy as I am holy.  By this, all men will know that you’re My disciples, if you are holy.

Many think that a life of virtue and purity will convince the world that they are His disciples.  Another version: Let’s get serious about God.  Al-Qaeda is serious about God.

We have a CONSUMER version of Christianity – it contents itself w/ promises of happiness.

A new commandment I give you, that you prosper and have a great sense of overall happiness.  By this all men will know that you’re my disciples…if you prosper and have a lot of material good and never get sick.

This Christianity makes no demands because it aims to please.  God is into your happiness.  The best thing I can do to spread the gospel is to be healthy and wealthy and thus demonstrate the faithfulness of God.  I don’t have the time or energy to love you because I am all caught up figuring out different ways God can prove His love to me.

We have an PSYCHOLOGICAL version of Christianity – it seeks to prop up the sagging self worth of pitiful human beings.  Here we hear Jesus say –

A new commandment I give you, that you love yourself and feel good about yourself  and have a great self-image.  By this all men will know that you’re my disciples…if you love yourself and feel good about you.

We are told that we can’t love others unless we love ourselves and so we spend a lot of energy thinking about ourselves and how good we are.  Or this just becomes an excuse, “Since I don’t love me very much, I can’t love you very much.”  This imitation flavor of Christianity still does a brisk business.

We have an INDIVIDUALISTIC version of Christianity… it is self-focused/self-centered/self-consumed.

A new commandment I give you, if you can’t find the perfect church and people who don’t bother you, that’s OK, float from church to church.  By this all men will that you’re my disciples…if you float from church to church and never really love anybody, but intending to if you find anyone worthy of your love.

Love demands connections.  Love cannot be demonstrated by people not connected to one another.  When we float, we disconnect, and one of the greatest evangelistic persuasions is lost.

T. Austin Sparks writes:

The cause of delayed maturity is that people are merely going their own sweet way.  They are butterflies, simply flitting from one thing to another w/ no corporate life, no related life.  A butterfly is quite a pretty thing as it flits about, but there is all the difference between a butterfly and a bee.  A bee too may go from one thing to another, but it does so to very good purpose.  The bee’s life is a corporate life, the butterfly’s is not a corporate life; it is an individual life.

There are a lot of butterflies twitting about the Church of Jesus.

Finally, we have an ACADEMIC version of Christianity – it contents itself w/ doctrinal profession.  Jesus is imagined saying,

A new commandment I give you, that you believe the right stuff.  By this all men will know that you’re my disciples…if you believe the right stuff.

I think that the Sentimental and Academic flavors of imitation Christianity are the most popular.  This version says, “I may not love you, but at least I believe all the right stuff about Jesus and the Bible.”  Many eat this and say, “Yum!”

This is from the FOOD AND AGRICULTURAL CODE 39212.

If a trade name is used on any vehicle which conveys, or any place where imitation ice cream or imitation ice milk is sold, the words “imitation ice cream” or “imitation ice milk”, shall be the same size as the largest letters used in the trade name and as conspicuously placed. In no case shall the letters in the words “imitation ice cream” or “imitation ice milk” be less than six inches high.

Can you imagine something like that on our church buildings, or over the entrance doors?

This church does not practice real Christianity, but several different imitation forms. 

What will loving one another look like?

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor…  Rom 12:10 

Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Pet 4:8 

Let’s be broken by our failure to love and not pained by the failures of others to love us.  Dr. Larry Crabb

Am I perfected in love?  Those of you who know me know the answer to that question.  I am not perfected in love, but I’ve tasted the real thing enough to know when an imitation is being passed off as the real thing – by myself or others.  Brothers, let’s keep the real thing before us and not settle for the imitation.

The Smell of Booze, Cigarettes, and Perfume…

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The best odors my sanctuary has ever had!  On January 2, 2011, I received a very hard call.  A 20 year old female had taken her life the day before.  The family was devastated and they wanted my help.  I assured them we, the church, would do whatever we could do to help them through this very difficult time.  Long story short, I officiated the funeral services at the church and the place was packed–literally standing room only.  As the service began, it was clear that this was not a Christian crowd.  The smells of booze, cigarettes, and perfume were strong and distinct.  The hopelessness was heavy in this room as Christ was not known by the majority in the crowd. This was a sweet opportunity share to the hope I have in Christ to this group desperate for any sort of hope.  It has been almost a year since this event, and we have seen much fruit from this horrible event.

I would like to share some things I have learned from this event.

1.  Pastor, be out in the community.  Good things happen when you are out.  Get involved in the community you live in.  When I was in seminary a missionary came and shared about their ministry.  She said something I found very profound, “We share Christ because we love the people; we don’t love the people in order to share Christ.”  You may have to ponder that one for a while before you get it.  Do you love and invest in the people in your community genuinely?  If you do they will know it.

2.  Fruit takes time.  Results never come as fast as we like.  As I enter my fifth year at Valley Baptist Church, I am continually amazed by a visit from a family, or see something happen in the life of an individual that I encountered years ago.  I am reminded that my responsibility is to be faithful and God will be the increase in His own timing!  I believe we have to take the long-term approach in reaching our community.  It is more about planting roots, serving, and plowing away in the short term…but then a day comes when fruit starts coming from years of labor.  Don’t loose heart!

Lessons From the Asphalt

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NOTE: I wrote this back in July, 2006 for “Bill’s Musings.” But every time I re-read it, I smile. Oftentimes, I draw on its lessons. So with that as a background, I share this with you today.

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Tonight, I’m in pain. It’s 11:43 PM (7/11/06) as I type this. My left palm is aching, my right knee is dinged up, my right elbow and wrist are scraped raw, and my right big toe has a chunk missing out of it.

What happened?

Well, it all started late in the day when I realized that my high-energy dog (aka “Mercy”) had not had any real exercise all day long. I didn’t have much time before I had to get going. I didn’t want to miss that dinner engagement with a dear, dear couple I’ve known for years, but if I didn’t hurry I’d be late. So I did what I have lately been in the habit of doing. I hopped on my mountain bike, wearing only an Aloha shirt (what else?), my shorts and my flip flops. Then I leashed up my ever eager canine friend for a 1-mile quickie, just to get her tension out.

About 90% through our ride, as things were moving along just swimmingly, a car pulled up next to me. It was a doctor friend who’d stopped to chat. His first words were, “Why you’re bold to be out on your bike like that with your dog pulling alongside of you!”

Knowing what he meant (he was referring to how dangerous it could be), I confidently assured him that all was well. “After all,” I said, “we’ve done this many times before, and this dog knows what to do. It’s no problem.” Then we talked some, and had a real nice conversation.

Eventually, he pulled away headed toward his home, wife, and kids. As for me, I once again just got going with my patient dog alongside of me, who by that time was very eager to get rolling.

Not 20 seconds later it happened. The Unexpected. A neighbor’s Dalmatian came out of nowhere, itching to mix it up at worst, or just play at best, with my dog. Not good. One thing you need to know about Mercy, she is a big ole’ chicken when it comes to other dogs. When she sees one, she reacts. Biting, barking, threatening, and cowering, all at the same time.

Needless to say, this collision of canines messed up my bike ride real quick. The next thing I knew I was being hurled forward, out of control, hands outstretched, surrealistically waiting to hit the ground, which I eventually did. Ouch. Hence, the aching palm, dinged up knee, and scraped up appendages.

Is there a lesson in all of this? But of course! I have to laugh when I think about it.

“Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.” (1 Corinthians 10:12)

Boy, did I have everything under control! Wasn’t I the master of the situation? My dog and I, we’ve been doing this bike-ride-dog-run thing for a long time, you see. Both she and I know what we’re doing. No problema. Hah!

I thought I was “standing.” In reality, I was setting myself up for a fall. Literally. My pride, over confidence, and self sufficiency were once again the sources of my demise.

I do this same thing in my spiritual life as well. I become confident in an area in which I’ve experienced success. My strength then becomes my weakness. I go from “Apart from Me, you can do nothing” thinking to “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” thinking to “I can do all things” thinking.

Then my Father, because of His great love for me, lets me fall of my bike. Reality Check “101” for the 500th time. When will I ever learn? I’ve come to the conclusion that I suffer from spiritual Alzheimer’s disease. Therefore, I will learn, but only one day at a time. Sometimes only one moment at a time. That’s not to say that I can’t benefit from long term memory of God’s past faithfulness, because I can. But it is to say that I need daily, fresh awareness of God and His ways, or I’ll be likely to fall down. It’s sort of like D.L. Moody’s answer to the question he was asked re: his habit of constantly praying to be filled with the Holy Spirit. “Why do you pray that prayer so often, Mr. Moody?” His response: “Because I leak.”

If Moody leaked, then I’m a sieve. I need the Lord. Thankfully, I have Him. Christ dwells within me, and is completely for me. He’s for you, too!

Fortunately for me, I got off lightly. It could’ve been a whole lot worse. Broken bones, perhaps a bashed skull, who knows how bad it could’ve been? (“Thanks, angel!”)

Lessons from the asphalt. In the last two Musings, we’ve had lessons from the Vineyard.

This evening, I experienced what Matt Redman calls “Face Down Worship.” Now I know what that means.

May God bless you and keep you powerfully. Oh, how He loves you and me!

In Christ,

Bill Holdridge